I am very happy the way Varalakshmi devi turned out this year. I will fix to this year's format for ever. Pictures below from the past couple of years.
2014
2013
2012
2011
2014
2013
2012
Wednesday, August 27, 2014
Monday, August 11, 2014
Can I build my family?
Every passing day my feelings getting stronger that 'My family is not complete without children'. Every passing day I feel I am going away from having a complete family, being called as 'Mother' :-(
Second FET was a disaster despite having perfect embryos transfered. I have absolutely no words to describe my husband and my agony when we got call from the doctors office that it failed. We were speechless, had high hopes on this cycle. With all these failures, I am getting stronger (I used to be very fragile) every day, have so much patience now.
I am living my life as it comes. I don't like it, want to plan my life and live according to my terms.
My body want to call it quits, but my motherly love doesn't want to quit. I will probably give one more chance for my body, if it doesn't co-operate, then I may want to call off our trials for good.
However, I don't want to give up becoming a mother. To fulfil my desire of becoming a mother I have two options in front of me. Embryo adoption or Infant adoption. I am still weighing my options of what to choose. I put this idea in front of my husband and I didn't get a good positive reaction from him. Surprisingly, my parents and inlaws are supportive of this idea. I am always greatful to have such an understanding family. My next mission is to understand my husbands thoughts on adoption. I know I can't go alone, need him to be on-board on my decision.
I want to be able to make a decision and move forward with my life. I am a social person, I like to meet people. I am not able to attend baby showers, kid's birthday parties, or any parties for that matter, these parties keep reminding me that I am failure.
I want to end all this .. don't know how
Second FET was a disaster despite having perfect embryos transfered. I have absolutely no words to describe my husband and my agony when we got call from the doctors office that it failed. We were speechless, had high hopes on this cycle. With all these failures, I am getting stronger (I used to be very fragile) every day, have so much patience now.
I am living my life as it comes. I don't like it, want to plan my life and live according to my terms.
My body want to call it quits, but my motherly love doesn't want to quit. I will probably give one more chance for my body, if it doesn't co-operate, then I may want to call off our trials for good.
However, I don't want to give up becoming a mother. To fulfil my desire of becoming a mother I have two options in front of me. Embryo adoption or Infant adoption. I am still weighing my options of what to choose. I put this idea in front of my husband and I didn't get a good positive reaction from him. Surprisingly, my parents and inlaws are supportive of this idea. I am always greatful to have such an understanding family. My next mission is to understand my husbands thoughts on adoption. I know I can't go alone, need him to be on-board on my decision.
I want to be able to make a decision and move forward with my life. I am a social person, I like to meet people. I am not able to attend baby showers, kid's birthday parties, or any parties for that matter, these parties keep reminding me that I am failure.
I want to end all this .. don't know how
Monday, April 28, 2014
Should I be happy or sad?
Should I be happy or feel sad? In my last post I opened up about infertility and was positive I will soon enjoy motherhood. I came one step closer and got good news that I became pregnant. Before I could digest the good news miscarried at 5 weeks.
Is this my fate? What is my destiny? Will I ever enjoy motherhood? Should I feel sad that I lost my baby in 5 weeks or happy that I was able to get preggo(one step closer) or happy that I did not give birth to a baby with defects. I took it positively that I was able to prove myself that I could become preggo. Without myself knowing, deep down in my heart I am hurt. My emotional volcano erupted one fine day when I had to spend one whole day with my preggo friend. My DH energy levels also dropped down end of that day. I could feel that he is getting restless to enjoy fatherhood. I don't have anything against to-be parents, I pray everyday that her pregnancy should be uneventful.
On top of all this, wherever I go I see preggo woman. I feel sad thinking about my own destiny. Is it human psychology to feel the way I am feeling or am I wicked person?
I feel much better after writing this post
5/11- I hosted baby shower for my friend and was very excited and happy, may be it was just that day!! All in all it was fun hosting the surprise party, seeing surprised and happy look on her face made me much happier
Cheers
G
Is this my fate? What is my destiny? Will I ever enjoy motherhood? Should I feel sad that I lost my baby in 5 weeks or happy that I was able to get preggo(one step closer) or happy that I did not give birth to a baby with defects. I took it positively that I was able to prove myself that I could become preggo. Without myself knowing, deep down in my heart I am hurt. My emotional volcano erupted one fine day when I had to spend one whole day with my preggo friend. My DH energy levels also dropped down end of that day. I could feel that he is getting restless to enjoy fatherhood. I don't have anything against to-be parents, I pray everyday that her pregnancy should be uneventful.
On top of all this, wherever I go I see preggo woman. I feel sad thinking about my own destiny. Is it human psychology to feel the way I am feeling or am I wicked person?
I feel much better after writing this post
5/11- I hosted baby shower for my friend and was very excited and happy, may be it was just that day!! All in all it was fun hosting the surprise party, seeing surprised and happy look on her face made me much happier
Cheers
G
Thursday, January 2, 2014
Happy 2014
Wish you a healthy, wealthy, and prosperous happy new year!
Been couple of years I wrote something on my blog and I doubt if anyone is following it.
2013 wasn't all that great and not bad either. For me personally, it was all about waiting for new cycle to start, lift hopes up it will happen this cycle and feeling bad on failed TTC cycle and it continued on and on. I haven't given up hope yet but I guess I am slowly coming to the terms of it. I see tiny light at the end of the tunnel, hope it gets closer soon. If not soon, I may give up on it. Praying everyday for that to happen. Despite all this, DH has been very supportive through this journey.
Shooing that thought away its all good professionally. I am working with the same company, and same group for long time now. It will be close to four years. I did not think I would stay that long but hey, I am lucky to work with good group here. We may not getogether often like I used to in my previous job but people are warm, they give respect and most importantly they don't step in my personal life.
May be people in my boat can understand better, I am not eager to make new friends, keep contact with old friends merely because I failed TTC. I don't accept it in front of my DH but it definitely took toll on me despite having supportive family. I have become very sensitive on this issue, I don't have the emotional strength to talk it out with others. The moment I think about it tears start rolling.
Cheers,
G
Friday, April 23, 2010
Tongue Twisters
Black background, brown background.
Tie twine to three tree twigs.
Six slimy snails sailed silently.
Kantai can tie a tie. If Kantai can tie a tie,
why can't I tie a tie like Kantai can tie a tie.
Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers.
A peck of pickled peppers Peter Piper picked.
If Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers,
Where's the peck of pickled peppers Peter Piper picked?
Can you can a can as a canner can can a can?
When I was in Arkansas I saw a saw that could outsaw any other saw I ever saw, saw. If you've got a saw that can outsaw the saw I saw saw then I'd like to see your saw saw.
Luke's duck likes lakes. Luke Luck licks lakes. Luke's duck licks lakes. Duck takes licks in lakes Luke Luck likes. Luke Luck takes licks in lakes duck likes.(from Dr. Seuss' Fox in Socks)
How much wood could Chuck Woods' woodchuck chuck, if Chuck Woods' woodchuck could and would chuck wood? If Chuck Woods' woodchuck could and would chuck wood, how much wood could and would Chuck Woods' woodchuck chuck? Chuck Woods' woodchuck would chuck, he would, as much as he could, and chuck as much wood as any woodchuck would, if a woodchuck could and would chuck wood.
Tie twine to three tree twigs.
Six slimy snails sailed silently.
Kantai can tie a tie. If Kantai can tie a tie,
why can't I tie a tie like Kantai can tie a tie.
Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers.
A peck of pickled peppers Peter Piper picked.
If Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers,
Where's the peck of pickled peppers Peter Piper picked?
Can you can a can as a canner can can a can?
When I was in Arkansas I saw a saw that could outsaw any other saw I ever saw, saw. If you've got a saw that can outsaw the saw I saw saw then I'd like to see your saw saw.
Luke's duck likes lakes. Luke Luck licks lakes. Luke's duck licks lakes. Duck takes licks in lakes Luke Luck likes. Luke Luck takes licks in lakes duck likes.(from Dr. Seuss' Fox in Socks)
How much wood could Chuck Woods' woodchuck chuck, if Chuck Woods' woodchuck could and would chuck wood? If Chuck Woods' woodchuck could and would chuck wood, how much wood could and would Chuck Woods' woodchuck chuck? Chuck Woods' woodchuck would chuck, he would, as much as he could, and chuck as much wood as any woodchuck would, if a woodchuck could and would chuck wood.
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
Useless Office Skill
As I had promised I came up with the new post ... a friend of mine sent me this to post it in my blog
This is for all of you frustrated musicians...who want to turn all of us into frustrated listeners.
...You can play music on your phone by pressing the buttons on the top (1,2,3)...and along the side (6,9,#). But don't play the 4,5,7,8,*, or 0. They sound even worse than the others.
To play Happy Birthday Song
112163
112196
11#9632
969363
Cheers,
G
This is for all of you frustrated musicians...who want to turn all of us into frustrated listeners.
...You can play music on your phone by pressing the buttons on the top (1,2,3)...and along the side (6,9,#). But don't play the 4,5,7,8,*, or 0. They sound even worse than the others.
To play Happy Birthday Song
112163
112196
11#9632
969363
Cheers,
G
Monday, March 1, 2010
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
Colleagues
I would like to dedicate this post to my friends in LM. These are my feelings I couldn't express(who couldn't hear me) during our gathering and I am glad I did not make our last lunch emotional.
I would like to thank each and everyone of you. These 9 months of working with you are the best of everything,its been pleasure working with THE best of people be it talent or work ethics or team work and for the chances to be part of many interesting experiences. I truly enjoyed working with you and you all have been really inspiring. I have had my good and bad moments and thank you for all the support, guidance and encouragement you have provided me during my time here.
I have picked many good things from you and you have been more as friends rather than colleagues to me. I cherish all the moments we spent at work, potlucks, team lunch, dinners and gatherings. I still remember my initial days in the project and thank you for accepting me as a part of the team. Every one of you have been very sweet to me. I will miss you all.
I wish you all the best in your future endeavors and I hope my new job will give me rewarding experiences and supportive friends.
Today, I felt the pain of leaving my colleagues and realized how important it is to have good colleagues. It took me few seconds to say hello, but I am still struggling to say good bye.
PS: Do not get emotional, I cannot provide kleenex :-)
Cheers,
G
I would like to thank each and everyone of you. These 9 months of working with you are the best of everything,its been pleasure working with THE best of people be it talent or work ethics or team work and for the chances to be part of many interesting experiences. I truly enjoyed working with you and you all have been really inspiring. I have had my good and bad moments and thank you for all the support, guidance and encouragement you have provided me during my time here.
I have picked many good things from you and you have been more as friends rather than colleagues to me. I cherish all the moments we spent at work, potlucks, team lunch, dinners and gatherings. I still remember my initial days in the project and thank you for accepting me as a part of the team. Every one of you have been very sweet to me. I will miss you all.
I wish you all the best in your future endeavors and I hope my new job will give me rewarding experiences and supportive friends.
Today, I felt the pain of leaving my colleagues and realized how important it is to have good colleagues. It took me few seconds to say hello, but I am still struggling to say good bye.
PS: Do not get emotional, I cannot provide kleenex :-)
Cheers,
G
Friday, August 8, 2008
Windows Shortcuts
It’s been a while I updated my blog. I have found few shortcut keys in windows. Most of you know about those, but thought would be good if they are all in one place.
Windows + E – Explorer
Windows + R – Run
Windows + M – Show Desktop
Windows + Shift + M – Maximize all
Windows + L – Lock Desktop
Windows + F – Search
Internet explorer
ALT + D – Address Bar
Notepad
ALT + O + W – Word Wrap
F5 – Date & Time
Will update this with Google/Gmail shortcuts soon!
http://mail.google.com/support/bin/answer.py?hl=en&answer=6594
Here is the link for gmail shortcuts.
Cheers,
G
Windows + E – Explorer
Windows + R – Run
Windows + M – Show Desktop
Windows + Shift + M – Maximize all
Windows + L – Lock Desktop
Windows + F – Search
Internet explorer
ALT + D – Address Bar
Notepad
ALT + O + W – Word Wrap
F5 – Date & Time
Will update this with Google/Gmail shortcuts soon!
http://mail.google.com/support/bin/answer.py?hl=en&answer=6594
Here is the link for gmail shortcuts.
Cheers,
G
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